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CLAUDIA CONNELL imagines Harry’s other life as hairdresser to his wife

When the Duke and Duchess of Sussex were named by Time Magazine as being among the ‘100 most influential people in the world’, their extraordinary cover photograph came in for much mocking on social media.

Meghan, with a full head of voluminous hair, stood front and centre as Harry crouched behind her, basking in her glow.

One comment that went viral observed that it looked as if Harry was Meghan’s hairdresser, looking into the mirror and talking his client through what he’d done. Here, CLAUDIA CONNELL imagines Harry’s other life — as personal hairdresser to his glamorous wife . . .

Time mag cover – September 2021

So much volume — my masterpiece!

Time mag cover – September 2021

World’s most influential couple or yummy mummy getting a cut and colour at Montecito Mane Attraction, the hottest salon in town?

‘So, I’ve given it the body we talked about without taking any off the length. Look at that volume! It’s a lot, it’s really a lot. We’ve gone for a centre parting to frame your face — great for an era of visibility — and I’m just going to finish off now with a holding spray. Don’t worry, it’s ozone-friendly.’

Dublin, Croke Park, July 2018

Dublin, Croke Park, July 2018

Dublin, Croke Park, July 2018

Hey, I said ‘don’t touch’

Dublin, Croke Park, July 2018

‘Hey, you’re old enough to know that you have oils on your fingers that can transfer to the hair — these casual beach waves don’t do themselves you know.

‘I was up at 5am heating the big rollers. Loving that choppy fringe and blonde highlights, though — who did those?’

Grenfell cookbook launch, September 2018

Grenfell cookbook launch, September 2018

Smooth it down

Grenfell cookbook launch, September 2018

‘High wind? It didn’t say that on my weather app. Have I got time to pop back to the car for hairspray? No? OK, I’ll just stand behind you and flatten your hair down.’

New Zealand, October 2018

New Zealand, October 2018

I won the gong for most promising junior stylist

New Zealand, October 2018

‘No ONE told me there was going to be a medal ceremony for wobbly-throwing. Oh, ‘welly-throwing’. My mistake. I’d have gone for a French pleat if I’d known — far easier to get the ribbon over.

‘Speaking of awards, I won Most Promising Junior Stylist in the Eton and Windsor region in 2001. Look how far I’ve come.’

Tour of Morocco, February 2019

Tour of Morocco, February 2019

Honestly, ponytails look fab on you

Tour of Morocco, February 2019

‘Don’t touch the hair! Don’t touch the hair!

‘Phew! No harm done. No one rocks a high pony like you, Meg. That Moroccan oil really did the trick holding it in place. I’ll pick up some more while I’m here. It’s a lot cheaper than back home.’

Cape Town, September 2019

Cape Town, September 2019

Darling, I’ve got my comb

Cape Town, September 2019

‘Oh my God! I leave you for five minutes. What happened? Were you running towards the struggle again?

I’ve told you before — just opine, it’s much more hair-friendly. Right, where’s my comb? Let’s get those naughty strays back in place.’

Gender Equality round table, Windsor, October 2019

Gender Equality round table, Windsor, October 2019

Yes, the flirty strands really work

Gender Equality round table, Windsor, October 2019

‘I’ve gone for a messy up-do. It says ‘serious global leader’, but the flirty strands hanging down at the front also say: ‘I’m still fun, I’m approachable and I’m just a working mom like you.’

‘It elongates your neck as well. I’d have gone for more statement earrings to set it off — but what do I know?’

Sharing an umbrella, 2020

Sharing an umbrella, 2020

Under my heirdryer 

Sharing an umbrella, 2020

‘Rai n, the hairdresser’s second worst Nemesis that always leads to frizz — the hairdresser’s ultimate Nemesis. We need one of those big see-through Fulton umbrellas that Grandma Queenie has. They come right down over your head, but the adoring public can still see you and where the brolly’s colour band matches your outfit.’

Cape Town, September 2019

Cape Town, September 2019

That style’s not my cup of tea 

Cape Town, September 2019

‘I know you like it long, but we’ve got to chop those dry ends off — look they’re nearly dangling in your tea. Too much weight, drags the hair down — I’ve got my scissors in my pocket, two inches off the ends, what do you say? No? OK . . . you’re the boss.’

Cape Town, South Africa, September 2019

Cape Town, South Africa, September 2019

Let me flick it a bit

Cape Town, South Africa, September 2019

‘Are you ok? Do you need any dry shampoo? I can’t stop touching it, it’s so soft, not like my Brillo pad do. Those L’Oréal guys will be offering a deal — and you’re totally worth it.’

Pregnancy announcement, Feb 2021

Pregnancy announcement, Feb 2021

Lap up my head massage, it’s included in the price 

Pregnancy announcement, Feb 2021

‘Would you like a head massage today? It’s included in the price. How’s that pressure for you? I’ve put a treatment on because it was feeling a bit dry. All the products I’ve used today are available at the till, Chantelle-Marie has them all bagged up and ready to go — there’s no obligation, although we are offering 20 per cent off today.’

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